Training your mind to be tough can affect how you behave

While our challenges might not be pool competency tests, this is a great example of how training your mind to be tough can affect how you behave, react, and get after your goals. The SEALs who were able to think rationally and positively about their outcomes while their lives were at stake were the ones who passed the exam, and also the ones who have the greatest mental toughness. 

Outside of possibly saving your life, studies show that being positive is actually beneficial in many ways. Gratitude is proven to cause an increase in happiness, which is no surprise, considering gratitude is a self-discipline that makes us see the world around us positively.  

Positivity can also be infectious in your relationships. A term called social optimism states that merely believing that people will like you will actually make people like you more. Optimism can benefit you at work by creating more opportunities for you, just because your positive mindset is sure you can achieve them.  

Tweaking your self-talk towards positivity sounds easy and straight-forward enough, but so many of us have negative self-talk already programmed into our brains as a habit. You have to rewire yourself to think positively. Start by coming up with truthful affirmations for moments of panic and anxiety. Pessimism tends to tell you that bad things last forever, are universal, and mean you’re a horrible person. Here’s an example.  

Another candidate gets the job you’ve been working for the past year to earn. Pessimism tells you this bad thing will last forever. Your mind might say, “I’m never going to leave this office.” Instead, tell yourself the truth: bad things pass. “I am going to get a better position. It’s just not happening this time.” 

Similarly, pessimism will tell you that bad things are universal. You walk out to the parking lot of the grocery store and find that your car’s been hit, just in time to watch a teenager peel out of the parking lot and onto the adjacent street.  

Fuming, you’re probably thinking, “This would happen to me today! Things like this always happen to me!” Instead of digging yourself into a rut of self-pity, change your thoughts. Bad things have specific causes and don’t just happen to you. Bad things are not universal. 

The last place your mind tends to wander when it’s in danger is to blame yourself. You finally got that new job you’ve been gunning for, but it’s really difficult. Even in training, your new position requires a lot of concentration and study to understand. Everything is unfamiliar.

Another tool to battle pessimism is to argue with yourself. If your brain is telling you something negative, use a mental model like Elon Musk’s First Principles to dig to the root of the negativity. If the thought is, “I’ll never be a good dad,” question why you think that. Is it because you don’t have much experience in childcare? Is it because you’d like to be different from your dad and you’re not sure how to do that?  

Come up with a logical counter-argument, based in fact instead of emotion (like your original negative thought probably is).  If you decide, your negative thought is one that needs to be countered even further, make it a point to create goals that will strengthen your counter-argument. Offer to babysit for your friends or a family member. Ask for help from a mom or a dad, and talk to them about your fears.  

Often, positivity is a skill that’s overlooked because it’s seen as less-than. People think of being positive as a piece of fluff to fill another line on the “special skills” section on your resume. The ever-faster, better, and stronger working monologue that’s been ground into our brains says that any tool you can’t use physically isn’t worth using.  

The truth about positivity, however, is that it’s something much greater than we give it credit for. Some people are naturally positive. It doesn’t take much for them to see something beautiful in the wreckage. Others struggle with this skill. Either way, strengthening it does more benefit for your health, for your future work, and your relationships.